Hello 2026

Hello Stranger!

It's been three months since my last article, and I have missed you all!

I wanted to write a short update about how 2026 has been going so far for me, and I am committed to making this the year of change on multiple fronts.

Of course, my definition of short ended up making this one of the longest articles I have written so far! There were many other things I wanted to write about, positive updates, but since I don't want to make this a half-hour-long article, I will write about them in a separate one that I will be posting soon.

First, how am I doing after the big surgery I had in December?

Well, this month I am doing better, but recovery has been pretty difficult, to say the least.

I lost 20 kg, so around 44 lbs, in three months, which obviously is great, although during the first month, the weight loss was particularly aggressive because I was on clear liquids for most of that time. Every day, I felt awful, not only because I was on several medications, but also because the exhaustion was next level, the nausea was almost daily, which meant a lot of vomiting, and the five small surgical incisions were constantly hurting.

In January, things improved slightly because I was finally allowed to have some soft solid food, although even that was very restrictive, and most days, I could barely keep food down, which sometimes meant throwing up multiple times a day. At least I was allowed to start gently working out again in January, so I returned to my aqua aerobics classes.

I doubt these could actually be considered gentle workouts, because they are very intense, although it also depends on how much effort you put in. I usually try to give 90-100%, but during the first weeks, I had to operate at around 70 to 80% and also reduce the number of classes I attended each week. I am on a very low daily caloric intake while I am still recovering, and since the first three months are the most demanding, I basically tend to burn almost that entire amount of calories I consume during my aqua classes, because I also swim before the class starts, which says a lot about how intense they are.

I won't deny it, my taste buds are also altered now, and absolutely everything tastes bad, and even smells bother me, including things I used to love. But the worst part of all was struggling to drink water. I love drinking water, and it has always been easy for me to drink two to three litres a day, but during this post-surgery period, this has probably been the most frustrating part because, while water is supposed to be tasteless, for me, it started having a strong metallic taste.

In February, things improved a little, at least to the point where I could drink more water, and that strange taste is not as strong anymore. I could also keep food down more often, although I still had plenty of days when eating was a struggle.

My hunger has also changed quite a lot. Most days, I actually need to remind myself to eat, but sometimes I get sudden waves of strong hunger that feel completely different from before. It feels like a void, like someone kicked me in the stomach hard enough to knock the air out of my lungs. As someone who both kicked and got kicked a lot during my years in martial arts, this genuinely feels worse because, at least back then, I could brace my core before impact, and I wouldn't feel much, whereas in this case, I can do nothing when it happens except ride the wave that makes me flinch almost every time.

Another problem is hair loss. In the first two months, my hair was barely falling at all, genuinely fewer strands than what I would normally lose in a day, and I was quite happy about that. However, I had been warned that this would change starting from the third month, and unfortunately, it did. It didn’t even wait a day, because the moment the third month started, so did the hair loss.

I won’t sugarcoat this because it is genuinely unnerving how much hair is falling, and sometimes it makes me anxious because I don’t know how much control I have over making it better. While I naturally have thick hair, this kind of aggressive hair loss can last three months if I am lucky, or longer if I am not.

Given how much I lose every day, I am afraid that at some point it will become visible.

Maybe this may seem vain to someone else, but as a former professional self-hater, my hair has always been spared from my self-hatred and disdain. It has always been the one thing I never wanted to change about myself. I love my hair colour, how thick and wavy it is, and I love it even when it is completely unruly. So yes, it is a big part of who I am, and it is painful to watch it falling like this.

For those wondering why this happens, hair loss after surgery is actually and sadly common.

It’s usually triggered by the stress your body undergoes during major procedures, changes in hormones, and sometimes nutritional fluctuations during recovery. It’s called telogen effluvium, and it generally shows up a few months after surgery, which is why mine started right when the third month hit. The good news is that, in most cases, this hair loss is temporary, and once the body stabilises and recovers, hair usually grows back, although it may take a few months.

If you are about to have surgery, or if you have recently had one, you might experience some of these things as well, depending on the procedure. Surgery of any kind is a trauma for the body, and the more complex it is, the harder the recovery will be.

At the time I was writing the first part of this article, I was preparing for my second surgery, which was scheduled for that Friday.

This time, it was not expected to be as complex as the first one because, after 20 years of daily chronic pain, I was finally going to have my right knee operated on. My case is a bit strange, as I mentioned in my last article, there was only about a 50% chance that this surgery would actually help. If it didn't, I would likely need a bigger procedure later.

It was not recommended to operate on both knees at the same time because the surgeon is not sure how much this will change my situation, so we decided to start with the right one, since it is the most damaged.

I also knew I couldn't postpone this any longer. Being in pain every single day had started to make me miserable and constantly irritated because the last few months have been more intense than before. On top of that, I would sometimes feel my kneecap doing something strange, almost like it shifted, which would suddenly make me limp. That is not exactly easy to hide when you are walking outside.

I had been hoping the surgery could be done under local anaesthesia instead of general, but unfortunately, that was not the case. The idea of general anaesthesia worried me a lot because of how badly my body reacted after my first surgery. When I woke up from that one, I genuinely felt like I had been hit by a car, and I spent almost a week feeling extremely sick. I know people might react very differently to anaesthesia, but that experience definitely stayed with me, especially because it was only three months ago.

I was told that this time I would probably be discharged the same day or the following day, depending on how the surgery went and how I felt afterwards. It was supposed to be scheduled early in the morning, although of course that can always change in a hospital.

And yes, my poor hair…

Even though this was a small surgery, it would still be another trauma for a body that was already recovering from a very recent previous operation. At that point, I was honestly more worried that it might make my hair loss worse than I was about the surgery itself.

I clearly had my priorities straight!

Honestly, I was planning to post this at the end of February, but I got caught up with so many things that I not only didn't have time to finish the article, but I also wasn't in the right headspace for it.

So let me share the news with you now. On the 27th of February, I had my second surgery, my 20-year-overdue knee surgery!

As I mentioned before, it was only the right knee, while the left one will follow later this year.

First of all, I want to say that I feel relieved that this finally happened. My knees have made many of my days unbearable, and I genuinely don't remember what it feels like to have a day without pain.

It will take a couple of weeks, possibly even months, before I know if this surgery will make a positive difference. That uncertainty is not great, but considering I have been dealing with this for as long as I can remember, I suppose I can be patient a little longer.

At the moment, my knee is still swollen, and I need to keep it bandaged, even though I only have two small incisions. I also have non-dissolvable stitches that will need to be removed two weeks after the surgery.

They gave me a crutch as well. I used it a little, but the recommendation is to try to recover as much as possible without relying on it. I was also quite wobbly when walking after the surgery, although during the first week, I still tried to walk a lot, almost every day. Obviously, it was slow walking with plenty of breaks, but it was still important to move because it helps with physiotherapy and reduces the risk of blood clots.

Now let's talk about what didn't go so well with this surgery.

First of all, they had plenty of time after my initial check-up to call me for the pre-assessment, but they never did. I eventually had to call them myself, listened to their explanations about some issue with my file, and they asked me to come to the hospital for those checks and blood tests only two days before the surgery. I had to take time off from work at the last minute because they had very limited availability.

Ironically, that exact same day, I also had to go for extensive private blood tests related to my first surgery, which had also been rescheduled at the last minute due to another issue.

I have always had problems with blood tests, and it is usually a struggle, but that day was particularly difficult. First, they tried taking blood from the veins in my elbow, but nothing was coming out, so they had to take it from my hand instead, which is even more painful. At the hospital, the nurse struggled to find a vein for almost ten minutes, and eventually, I told her to try my other hand as well. In total, they took around eight vials of blood that day, and by the end, my hands were really hurting, and there was some swelling.

Secondly, they asked me to arrive at the hospital at 7:30 am because I was scheduled for a morning surgery and was third on the list. This meant I had to stop eating several hours before my admission time and stop drinking two hours before arriving at the hospital. However, the day before, they called to say there was a change to my fasting schedule, but when I arrived, they couldn't actually confirm the new timing. In the end, I followed the original instructions, although they later told me I could still take a few small sips of water from a tiny paper cup they gave me until around 10 am.

They also did not insert the cannula to prepare me for surgery early on. Of course, given my usual luck, that particular day the hospital had an unannounced inspection, and the doctors were being monitored during the surgeries they performed. This delayed everything, and although a nurse came to check on me every now and then, nobody actually explained what was happening.

Another thing that made me anxious happened the day before the surgery when they called to say that the anaesthesiologist wanted to perform spinal anaesthesia instead of general. Surgery is already scary enough, and I could not imagine being awake, even if sedated, while surrounded by people and equipment. I spent some time reading about it and trying to convince myself that I could manage it, especially since sedation is an option. Yet on the day of the surgery, the anaesthesiologist came to see me and told me he had changed his mind and that I would receive general anaesthesia after all.

With my first surgery, general anaesthesia made me extremely sick for almost a week while being hospitalised, and I was vomiting several times a day. Even though they kept saying they were giving me medication for nausea, it barely helped, so naturally, I was worried about having the same reaction again. What I did not know before is that you can actually request anti-nausea medication to be administered while you are still in the recovery room before you wake up and are transferred back to your room. Had I known this during my first surgery, I definitely would have asked for it. Thankfully, this time I insisted a bit more and was reassured that they would give me two injections before I woke up, which should work faster and make the recovery easier.

Hours kept passing, and suddenly it was early afternoon, yet nobody could tell me what was going on or when the surgery would finally take place. Nobody bothered to update the fasting instructions either, which meant I spent roughly six hours without drinking any water. I was already dehydrated because I had not managed to drink much before arriving at the hospital.

Eventually, the surgeon came to see me and apologised for the delay. He explained what had happened and mentioned that he now had to perform the surgery with a different anaesthesiologist, someone he had not worked with before, instead of the one originally scheduled.

As they were preparing me for anaesthesia, the new anaesthesiologist and another nurse struggled a lot to find a vein. Somehow, I was even reprimanded for not mentioning earlier that blood tests are usually difficult for me. At that point, I had already been stabbed with a needle five freaking times. First, they tried inserting the cannula into the veins inside my elbow, but once again, no blood was coming out. Then they moved to my hands, which were still sore from the blood tests I had two days prior, and tried twice in each one, first closer to my knuckles and then near the wrist, and still nothing.

I am not afraid of needles, but holy hell, with the dehydration every time that needle went in, I felt a strong burning sensation travelling up my arm. It hurt a lot, and eventually even my eyes filled with tears, not only because of the pain but also because the nurse was squeezing my arms so tightly while the elastic tourniquet was wrapped around them to increase the blood flow, and still nothing worked.

At some point, the anaesthesiologist said that if they could not find a vein, the surgery could not go ahead because I should not be this dehydrated. Hearing that made me start to panic.

Eventually, they managed to find a small vein in my right arm near the elbow. Once the cannula was in place, the surgeon took a few vials of blood to use for the PRP injections in my knee.

If you have never had surgery before, when they start pushing the anaesthetic through the cannula, it can hurt and burn quite a bit. I am not sure if that happens to everyone or if it was just my case, but it definitely burned. Thankfully, they also placed a mask over my face with gas, and at some point, I simply closed my eyes.

The surgery itself went well. What I did not expect was the way I woke up. Someone suddenly woke me and removed the cannula from my arm because it had started bleeding. It was not done gently at all. They pulled it out quite roughly and ripped off the band-aids as well. If I actually had hair on my arms, that would have basically been a full wax. Strangely enough, that was exactly what the male nurse doing it asked me, whether I had ever had waxing done before, because if I had, then removing a band-aid like that should not hurt too much.

It was a very strange way to wake up from general anaesthesia and hear something like that. My knee was hurting quite a lot, and I was also very cold, again!

I had to ask for another blanket, and I had already made sure to mention two or three times before the surgery that I wanted extra blankets because I wanted to avoid the same horrible reaction I had after my first operation. Thankfully, they did listen to that request, and I did not feel nearly as awful when I woke up this time.

The cannula was actually supposed to stay in longer so they could administer painkillers if the pain became too strong once the anaesthesia wore off. But of course, my veins had other plans and decided to start bleeding heavily, so it had to be removed early.

If they had needed to insert another one, they would have had to try my foot, which would have been a first for me.

There is a reason why I am going into so much detail about my problematic veins and this particular situation. Because of how dehydrated I was and how difficult it had been to access a vein, the blood the surgeon had taken right before the anaesthesia for the PRP injections could not be used. It clotted almost immediately. Those injections would most likely have increased the chances of success for this surgery, but after seeing how difficult it was to find a vein and how many times they had already tried, the surgeon decided not to attempt another draw and put me through more pain.

When I woke up, the pain in my arms from all those failed attempts was almost as bad as the pain in my operated knee, so you can imagine how unpleasant that felt. I could barely move my arms for several days.

Both of them were swollen in those areas, and even now, a week later, I still have bruises that are larger and darker than any I have ever had before, and they have lasted much longer than usual.

When the surgeon came to check on me after I was moved back to my room, he kept apologising for what had happened, although I was not blaming him. Still, the situation should have been managed better, and I should not have gone without water for so many hours. Because of that dehydration, my blood pressure ended up being quite low both before and after the surgery. Since I was originally supposed to be discharged the same day, I actually ended up leaving the hospital late at night once my blood pressure stabilised again after drinking a lot of water and finally having something to eat.

Another frustrating thing happened with the sick leave note that I needed to give to my employer. One of the nurses who brought it to me somehow took it back before I left the hospital, and because the hospital does not provide electronic sick leave notes, I had to return there on the second day, while still in quite a lot of pain, just to get a new one.

The compression sock and bandage they gave me were also too small because they had not measured my leg properly, so they were actually cutting into my circulation.

While these things may seem small, when you have just had surgery and are already in pain, they become incredibly frustrating. I need to wear compression socks and keep my knee wrapped every day for almost two weeks, and even the replacement items they gave me cannot really be used because they keep rolling down.

In the end, I simply bought what I needed from the pharmacy myself.

Considering that this was a private hospital in the U.K., and that the surgery was covered through my private medical insurance, I expected things to go a bit more smoothly.

But I suppose that is the reality of it. Sometimes you only learn these things once you actually go through the experience yourself.

My next surgery will most likely take place in August because I have now had two surgeries with general anaesthesia within a three-month period, which is obviously not ideal for my body.

At least now I know what questions to ask and what things I need to insist on the next time I go to the hospital, because some of these situations simply cannot be repeated.

So I hope that by sharing my experience like this, you might have learned something new as well, especially if you have never had surgery before but might need one in the future.

Know what questions to ask, and do not let them delay inserting the cannula until right before surgery, after you have already been dehydrated for hours, especially if you already know that finding your veins can be difficult. If you normally struggle even with routine blood tests, as I do, this is something you should mention clearly and early.

And if someone tries to dismiss you, do not let them. Insist!

So far, I have yet to wake up from surgery without feeling angry and annoyed afterwards. Maybe that is just my default setting.

For now, I will probably be on sick leave for most of March. I rushed back to work too quickly after my first surgery, and that was definitely a mistake.

I will most likely not return to my swimming and aqua aerobics classes this month either, but that is fine. For now, I will focus on walking, recovering, studying, and I really want to start working on the next article that I hope to post very soon.

Anyway, I truly hope this surgery will make things better. Even a little improvement would be better than the way I have been feeling for so many years.

I will forever be furious that it had to get to this point because of so many incompetent doctors and their gaslighting, especially those who implied that this was all in my head when my knees would lock up and I would be unable to straighten them for days.

I wish I could let go of this anger, but I cannot stop thinking about how different my life might have been if I had not spent 20 years in pain every single day, if I had not reached a point where it seriously took over my life and robbed me of so much!

This makes me so angry that sometimes I imagine revisiting those doctors with a baseball bat, making them experience the pain I endured, and then gaslighting them by telling them it is all in their head.

But this rage is not just about chronic pain or enduring two decades of suffering. It is about everything I have been through, all the years of physical and mental pain that have piled up.

I have been saying for years that healing is not linear, but you will probably reach a point where you feel this kind of rage. I want you to embrace it and lean into it!

Feel everything you have been avoiding, everything you tried to bury deep in a dark place, hoping it would never resurface. Feel it all and do not try to repress it anymore. You will never truly heal if you do. Life has a way of putting you in similar difficult situations until you learn your lesson properly, break the cycle, and finally change!

Find an outlet for your anger, and make sure it is not directed at yourself. I am not suggesting you use other people for this either. If someone is genuinely trying to hurt you, then they deserve it. Otherwise, channel it through something that allows you to release it safely. Practice a sport that lets you push your limits, or go to a rage room.

Honestly, I genuinely think I need a monthly membership to a rage room nowadays!

If my knee surgery helps, the first thing I plan to do is get back to martial arts, where I can release all my frustration and rage in a controlled way.

Given that the world is on fire with so many things happening, I couldn't avoid including some things in this article that are not related to me. It's not that I don't want to write about it and willfully stay ignorant usually, but it makes me beyond furious, and while I try to keep the blog focused only on my life, if I started writing about what goes through my mind regarding these subjects, I might get banned and most definitely get labelled as a radical.

My mind cannot comprehend how such things happen and how beings like these exist.

How much evil and decay live inside them, I cannot even call them humans because all these acts show there is no humanity left in them.

They have so much power and money, and despite so many things being public now, there is no justice, and they continue to live their lives as if nothing happened.

They truly have no remorse! I now believe the justice system is beyond corrupt because a lot of those working in that field seem to be just as involved...

I checked some of those files, and I was beyond horrified by what I read and saw there.

It made me furiously cry, and it still haunts me. How can someone look at a child and have such thoughts? All the nations should bring back the guillotine and revolt against all those involved.

I am not a mother, and I may never be, but I would protect even someone else's child with my life, and this world is filled with those who have lost their humanity entirely, or perhaps they never had it to begin with. The irony is how these disgusting creatures try to also use religion to justify so many things and control others. And no, I am not talking about a particular religion; I am talking about multiple.

As a former Christian Orthodox, I am glad I left religion behind years ago, and I will never be a religious person again. This is a deeply personal decision of mine because, at the end of the day, I have always been the person who couldn't blindly follow anything, and I have always asked too many questions, and the answers were always that I should just believe what I am told, be submissive and stop asking so many questions. That is not acceptable to me!

If you are reading this and you feel differently, that's fine. Believe in whatever you want as long as you cause others no harm, and you don't try to force your beliefs on someone else.

I have come to the realisation that, based on the so-called teaching of many of these man-centred religions, as a woman, apparently, I am going to hell in all of them, but I genuinely don't give a damn anymore.

I don't spend my life harming others, so I am at peace with myself and my values, while others commit heinous crimes and somehow think that all will be forgiven and they will receive absolution and find some form of eternal heaven.

Talk about delusional hypocrisy!

As I said, you might not agree with my views, and you might end up disliking me after reading this, but then again, that's fine. Just look around you, see how those in power use religion to do terrible things and even cause wars, and maybe at some point you will understand my views too.

I am not an atheist; I do believe there is something out there, it just has no name, face, or gender for me, and I am also a huge believer in karmic retribution because everything has consequences and a price to pay, so tread carefully!

I will conclude this subject here. I have tried to talk about it without going into too many details.

It is extremely hard, and if you don't know at all what I'm talking about, you might be better off not looking into it further for your own mental health.

Choose your beliefs wisely and be a good person! This flawed world desperately needs more kindness and light!

I would like to conclude this article on a more positive note by celebrating four women whom I love dearly and cannot imagine my life without, but also women and mothers around the world.

Since tomorrow is International Women’s Day, in some parts of the world, including my home country, Romania, it is also Mother’s Day.

My relationship with my mother was quite difficult growing up, and it took a lot of work, self-awareness, forgiveness, and change to transform it into something better and healthier.

There were many times when I thought this would never happen, but I am genuinely grateful for the relationship we have now. My mother has had a harsh life and has made so many sacrifices to offer me and my much younger brother a better life. Now, I am trying to offer her everything that she never had, to take care of her, and to show her that there is more to life than pain, struggles, and financial difficulties. It is not easy, but I am grateful that I can do it, put a smile on her face, and give her some happier memories.

She deserves so much more than this, and I know that one day I will be able to offer her that.

So tomorrow, I will celebrate the strength and undying love of the woman who brought me into this world, but also the strength of women all around the world who keep fighting and showing up every single day, no matter how hard things are.

This world is not kind to women; if anything, it seems to be against us so many times, but we should never give up fighting.

I also want to celebrate the birthdays of my three amazing best friends. As we are not in the same country and distance separates us, I want to show my gratitude to this blog for bringing us together many years ago, when each of us needed a friend the most.

Thank you for your unconditional love and friendship, for always being there when I needed someone the most, and for celebrating my successes even more than I do.

Thank you for your beautiful hearts! I will never stop feeling lucky to have you in my life, and your friendship has changed me into a better person.

And to my wonderful community, thank you for believing in me and for coming back to read my thoughts every single time I post a new article.

I truly believe that you have had an enormous positive impact on my life, and I would not be where I am now without you.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you all for everything!

Sending you lots of love and serenity 🫶🏻

Today's song may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I resonate a lot with it: https://youtu.be/jolaO2Z6xCM?si=-Y1VLlI_M7adsFvU. Hope you give it a chance as well!